EXECUTION (You’ll save me!)

Why do you look at me distrustfully?
D’you wait my shiver in disdain?
D’you think your soul is very clean?
Well, I’m so naïve and wretched within!
It is too late for you to recall me.
I made my mind, I chose the darkness and the evil-
For all you did I set the execution!
For weaknesses you never could forget,
For humiliations in the sight of crowd,
For happiness which was so illusory, then good buy.
For baring to please you, for folly of your words,
For dying hope,
In which you placed my faith.
I used to worship you,
I idolized you,
And I believed the power of your fire,
And, in response, I tried to love myself.
Now I can’t lose -
For all the sorrows,
For so supposedly fortunate day,
I’ll execute my sentence -
I’ll bring my lost peace back.
I’ll get away from your embracement,
From you disdain, from silence, from you lies,
I’ll kill you with my desperation,
Won’t let the pity to come in.
You fell in shame ago the years,
And I gave up all of my dreams,
I waited for the day,
The evil gave me this great chance -
From now on, I’ll liven up!
What are you waiting for in silence?
Don’t you accept the challenge? Never mind.
It’s a go, and tomorrow I’ll rid myself of you!
By hanging, shooting, flagellation,
What execution will you choose?
No, no! I’ll execute you duly,
In front if ruthless evil crowd.
And I will rape you nastily and wickedly,
With silence of your sense and of you feeling.
I’ll put the power of your own scorn
And will emancipate myself forever!
..It’s the reprisal day.
Awarded by the evil,
Inspired by the devil,
I take vengeance for your cavil.
I’m enchanted by revenge. I felt the ecstasies.
The moan of your pain, the outcries of throng -
All busted in a wild life within my soul.
Your tears are the bitterest .
Your entreaty’s the most glittery.
And I accepted it with repugnance,
And I went on with passing my vengeance.
But suddenly, in swing of my revenge,
I heard the weeping which was so familiar..
And nothing could confuse me till I felt,
As if I saw reflection in the mirror..
Your execution was a tragedy of mine,
As executing you I killed myself,
This was the thing which ravished the crowd -
It’s always ready to laugh at someone else!
..I creep to you with supplication,
I scream to you though nearly knocked the wind out of you.
Oh, Let me justify myself and save you,
Oh, please, endow me with the pardon!
How can I live without you, my soul!?
Oh, Let me fly above the mounts again,
And to embrace my lovely dream.
Now I don’t need to understand you,
I understood – we need to run away!
..Someone from crowd thrown a stone at me,
And someone stuck a curse into my back,
I saw they were so very disappointed.
I heard the darkness promising the death
And at the moment you tormented wings,
Unfolded above me with a renewed force.
And you embraced my shoulders once again
I took me far away from there!
..Your eyes, tormented with the pain,
Your lips are full of shame and hatred,
I kissed them and I drank you suffering,
I begged your pardon for all the day and night.
And you were stroking me in silence,
And I was crying, and I kissed your legs.
I know that you will forgive me,
And will endure all of my deeds,
You’ll give your blessing to my being happy,
As there is a marvel even in this world.

How dared you to wish you died?
How dared you not to believe your fire?
How could I crucify your wings?
Oh, how could I betray your love?
You were the one who could accept my being,
You were the one who could rescue my leaving!!

(2007)